Ace Attorney Boris!
by A Little Carefree
Summary: Elliot March is found dead in his apartment and the only two who know the true killer are a parrot and a girl who speaks gibberish! It's up to Ace Attorney Boris to free his client, Ace, of the charges. However it's hard to do that when 1. Your client says he's the murderer and 2. The judge keeps banging his gavel for no apparent reason. Request for Elise the Writing Desk!


**A/N: **This is an overdue part 1: two or three-shot for **Elise the Writing Desk! **Hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the HNKNA series

Enjoy!

* * *

**Turnabout Wonderland**

"What are _you _doing here?!"

"You know what this is about."

"No! I won't let you do it!"

"I'm sorry, but you should have followed the rules."

"ACK!"

_~Slice!~_

"…."

* * *

**10:00am**

**13****th**** June, Monday**

**Tuggly Woods Court**

**Court 3**

~_BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"Court is in fucking session, so shut the hell up!" Judge Black Joker bellowed, growling at the people around him, who instantly quieted down.

"Finally…Now is the stupid prosecution and defence ready or not? I have my second job to get to soon, fuckers."

Over on the prosecution side of the room, a tall young man smirked, flicking his long black hair. "Of course I'm ready," he said, causing most of the females in the jury to scream in excitement.

On the other hand, on the defence side of the room, the lawyer looked at his opponent with disbelief before sighing. "Well I'm screwed…pitting me against the top prosecutor, somebody hates me."

"Hey, emo ass! Are you ready or not?!" Judge Black demanded.

"Yeah, yes I am," he replied casually, letting a yawn escape him.

_~BANG!~ ~BANG!~ ~BANG!~_

"Okay, if you assholes have finished can we get a move on? Yo, pussy prosecutor, state the opening statement…"

The top prosecutor, Blood Dupre, once again smirked-it was like a trade mark for the guy-and produced a piece of paper seemingly from nowhere. As he started to read the contents of said page, Boris wondered to himself why Blood kept flicking the paper with his hand.

"The victim was Elliot March, unemployed and was a good friend of mine. He was found dead by his next door neighbour, Vivaldi. The victim was stabbed in his stomach, left to bleed. The suspect and obvious murderer in this case is Ace Knight."

The court turned their attention to the defendant, who was focusing his attention on playing with a knife with a grin on his face. Upon feeling the gazes of people on him, he glanced up and smiled.

"Oh, hi!"

"OBJECTION! The court has just started, you can't say he's the murderer!" Boris suddenly yelled.

Blood just shook his head, "Mr Airay, it's obvious he's the murderer. In fact, when they took him in he said that he was the murderer."

The court mumbled to themselves while Boris stood back in shock. He sent a glare at his client, who smiled at him.

"Why did you say that?!" He whispered harshly to him.

"Oh…because I did it?"

"….I just had to be hired by the idiot."

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"Okay fuckers, QUIET! Geez, at this rate I'm going to be stuck here. Man, I would love to say he's guilty right now…."

"Oh, I know you! You're the guy that owned the car I crashed into hahahaha!"

"….I'm ready to give the verdict," Judge Black growled but Boris managed to stop him…just barely.

"Oh, and I've also brought the autopsy," Blood said with a smirk, flicking his hair in a typical prosecutor fashion.

**Autopsy added to Court Record.**

Boris quickly took out the autopsy and scanned it over.

**Elliot March's Autopsy report.**

**Time of death: 6/12 6PM-7PM**

**Cause of death: Stabbed and sliced multiple times.**

"Bring the first witness on the fucking podium," Judge Black demanded.

"My first witness is the detective of the case," Blood said, looking a little irritated at the mention of the detective.

Boris instantly liked whoever the detective was…or at least he thought he did until he actually saw who the detective was.

He wanted to crawl away and hide when the detective stood on the podium.

"State your feckin' name and profession." Judge Blood ordered.

The detective grinned, saluting. "My name is Detective Gowland and well, I'm a detective and I like amusement parks."

Boris groaned, grabbing his head in frustration. Of all the detectives in the business, it just had to be Detective Gowland who was known to be a little eccentric.

But that wasn't the reason why he was embarrassed…

Detective Gowland noticed the pink haired lawyer and gaped.

"Oi, what are you doing here, freeloader?"

"I should ask you the same thing, old man. And as you obviously can't tell, I'm the lawyer."

"HA! _You_ the lawyer? Man, I've seen everything!"

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

With each sound of the gavel being pounded, Boris felt his headache-which has just begun-getting more painful.

"Will you two shut up! You can take your father-son talk-"

"How did he know we were-"

"-outside later! Now, witness, tell your feckin testimony or get out!"

**WITNESS TESTIMONY**

**THE DAY OF DISCOVERY**

"We got the call around lunchtime, I remember because I was eating mah sammich-at least that's what I call it ha! As soon as the call was finished, we were on our way."

"HOLD IT! Who was the call from?"

"Aw look at you, trying to be all lawyer-like! Just like your mother…who cheated on me-"

~_BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"OI! SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!"

"Right! Sorry! The call from the victim's next door neighbour, I think her name is Vivaldi or something…"

Boris noted the name down to himself while Ace just hummed, smirking a little. Boris idly wondered why the defendant's spot was so close to him.

"So yeah, the victim's neighbour was the one to call in, having discovered the body after returning early from work."

Boris looked in his case file and took out the autopsy report. After reading it, he noticed that it said that Elliot's body was found in his room, so that begged the question…

"HOLD IT! Why was his neighbour in the room in the first place?"

"Oh, err…well she apparently said that the reason she found the body was because her parrot told her to look."

The court room silenced as they stared at detective Gowland in disbelief. Prosecutor Blood covered his mouth, trying to hide his chuckle while Boris banged his head on the table.

"..Oh God, why am I related to that idiot?"

Ace meanwhile still continued grinning, seemingly not fazed by the events.

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"What the fuck?! A parrot?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Judge Black demanded, banging his gavel violently on the podium.

Detective Gowland nodded, "yep! She said so herself! Quite a weirdo that one…"

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"Okay, I've heard enough from this bastard, if you've got anything else to say or present, do it now!"

Detective Gowland pouted at being chased off the podium but nodded, "one last thing. I have the crime photo and murder weapon the stupid prosecutor asked for."

Both detective Gowland and prosecutor Blood took a moment to have a stare down before Gowland handed over the evidence.

**Crime photo added to court record.**

**Murder weapon added to court record.**

The crime photo showed a man with shoulder length hair, dressed in a suit, lying on the floor face down. There was a large black puddle surrounding the body, Boris presumed it was the victim's blood-he always did find it annoying that the crime photo's generally come in black and white.

Shaking his head, he focused more on the photo in case there was any evidence.

It didn't help that the photo showed the victim with his face down, if the body was the other way then maybe he could have seen the stab wounds. He was about to set the photo down when something caught his attention.

There seemed to be something in the puddle of the blood. Pulling the picture closer, he noticed the object was rectangular and had some frills with a heart design on it.

"Looks like some weird wristband….defiantly not something a guy like that would wear."

**Mysterious wristband added to court record.**

Boris then turned his attention to the other evidence-the murder weapon. The weapon itself was a sword, an old looking one at that, with a lot of red spots on it…presumably blood.

"Hey Ace, does this belong to you?" Boris asked, showing the weapon to red-eyed man.

Ace peeked at the weapon and smiled, "yep, all mine. Received it from my grandfather!"

Well…this wasn't good.

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"Bring in the fucking witness," Judge Black ordered, happily banging his gavel away.

Some would think he had an obsession with the gavel. He liked to call it a hobby.

**10:56am**

**13****th**** June, Monday**

**Tuggly Woods Court**

**Court 3**

The court room gaped as they took in the new witness. To say she was beautiful was an understatement. However the most noticeable thing about her….was the parrot sitting on her head.

_~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~_

"Witness! State your name and occupation! And hurry about it, I'm growing bored."

Boris silently agreed with him.

"Hmph. Were you asking us? Or our king?"

"What? Who the heck are you referring to?"

"Us of course, imbecile man."

"If your not careful, I'll be throwing your ass-"

"Judge Black, please. Miss Vivaldi, he was asking you, not your parrot." Prosecutor Blood interrupted, shooting a dazzling smile at Vivaldi to which she ignored. Hear that shattering sound? That was the sound of his pride breaking.

"Our name is Vivaldi and we are only hear for support."

"What do you mean by that?" Boris asked, only to shudder when Vivaldi turned her gaze to him and smiled.

"You remind us of cats! We love cats, we shall call you kitty!"

"Err, no need…could you just answer the question?"

"Anything for you kitty, we are here for support for the real witness!"

"Who's the real witness then?"

Vivaldi raised her hand and gently patted the parrot on her head, "this is our precious King, he is the true witness."

The court silenced as they took in the fact that the witness claimed the parrot was the real witness.

"….Well, who gives a fuck. Someone just give a testimony."

"Ooh! Can I give a testimony!" Ace asked, waving his hand frantically.

"No."

**WITNESS TESTIMONY**

"**SQUAK! I SAW IT!"**

"SQUAK! It was a few hours after my owner left when I heard it!" the parrot whistled.

"HOLD IT! Heard what?" asked Boris, still thinking it was weird listening to a 'parrot's testimony.'

"SQUAK! Stupid cat! Stupid cat!"

Boris's eye twitched as the bird kept repeating the sentence while Blood smirked, which pissed Boris off more.

"Ah we are sorry about that kitty! King does not like cats unlike us."

"SQUAK! Bang bang! Bang bang!"

Boris didn't even want to bother asking what that was about, but he had a feeling he knew what the parrot was hinting and that bugged him.

"SQUAK! Silence! Silence!"

It seemed after that sentence the parrot had nothing else to say.

~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~

"Okay I think I speak clearly for the court-that was the most shitiest testimony I have ever heard. Can I leave now?" Judge Black asked, some of the jury nodding their heads in agreement.

"WAIT! Judge Black, I know there's a contradiction in there! Please let me cross-examine the bird!"

Judge Black sent a deathly glare to Boris, clenching his hand around the gavel as he scowled. On one hand he could say no and end this stupid trial, however if he did then he'd have to spend the rest of his day watching the people he sent to prison.

Well if he was going to be late, fuck all.

~BANG~ ~BANG~ ~BANG~

"Fine, but if you fail to find a contradiction then consider your life fucked."

Boris wanted to tell him that his life was already fucked the minute he was born but decided against it.

Turning to the parrot that was nipping it's feathers, he cleared his throat and then…

"HOLD IT! I want you to clarify what you meant by the 'bang' noises." Boris exclaimed, scaring the parrot who nearly fell off of Vivaldi's head.

"BANG BANG! BANG BANG! Man dead! Man dead! 'Girl in blue!' Man dead!" The parrot squawked, flittering it's wings around.

'…_Girl in blue? What does that mean? Is it a code or something?'_

"Our precious King probably means he heard a gunshot."

"Could you get your 'King' to add this to his testimony?"

"SQUAK! Gunshot! BANG BANG!"

Boris allowed a smile to curl onto his face.

"OBJECTION!" Boris yelled, getting a scowl from both Judge Black and Prosecutor Blood.

"The parrot cannot have heard gunshots…because the victim died by loss of blood due to being stabbed!" Boris continued, tapping the autopsy report.

The parrot fluttered it's wings in agitation while Vivaldi gasped.

Got them! Boris thought happily.

TBC…

* * *

**A/N: **So originally this was going to be a one-shot however it was taking quiet a while to write-not to mention that because I'm a second year at college, a lot of work and deadlines were thrown at me and I had to cheer my friend up who was stood up.

So anyway, I decided to turn it into either a two-shot or a three-shot. All in all, I wanted to at least get some of it posted for Elise, so happy birthday!

*Blood and Vivaldi are not related in this.

**-A Little Carefree**


End file.
